Eudaemonia's blog

Imbolc

This has been a productive and marginally healthy week for me. There are a few things working in my favour right now:  the new medicine regimen seems to be working moderately; I have had fewer fibro bouts this week in comparison to others.  I have also been more focused in my meditations. I think truly that these are more important to my well being than anything else right now. I am glad that I am wise enough to realize this.

As such, I've decided to cook a meal for Imbolc this year. I've decided to make the following:

Pork Paprikas: Brown 6 lbs pork chops on both sides in salted pan. Remove to platter. Sauté 1 large diced onion in 1 Tbs margarine and 1 Tbs paprika. Return chops to pan. Add 2 C water and simmer until chops are tender. Remove chops from pan. Blend 1 C sour cream with ½ c broth. Add to rest of broth. Stir until well blended. Return chops to pan and simmer about 5 minutes to reheat meat. Chicken can be substituted

Roasted Garlic with Fresh Thyme and Goat Cheese: Serving Size : 4 servings
Ingredients: 4  Plump heads of garlic,  3/4 c Defatted reduced-sodium Chicken stock, 8  Sprigs, up to 10  Sprigs fresh thyme, Salt & freshly ground black, Pepper to taste, 4 oz creamy goat cheese cut into 4 portions, 4 sl Lightly toasted sourdough or Peasant bread

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. With a sharp knife, cut off and discard the upper third of each garlic head, exposing the cloves. (Leave the skin intact below the cut.) Set the garlic heads, cut-side up, in a small baking dish or grating dish just large enough to hold them. Pour chicken stock over the garlic, add thyme sprigs and season lightly with salt and pepper. Cover the dish tightly with heavy-duty aluminum foil and bake for 1 hour, or until each clove is soft to the
touch and the skin resembles lightly browned parchment. Serve the garlic with the cooking juices spooned over and pass goat cheese and bread separately. To eat, break off a piece of bread and spread with a small amount of cheese, then scoop out the garlic puree from one of the cloves with the tip of a knife and spread on top.

Honey Cakes:
Ingredients: 1/2 cup Riesling wine, 1 egg, 2/3 cup flour, 1 cup honey, 2 tbs sugar, 1/8 tsp cinnamon, 1/8 tsp nutmeg, Dash of salt

Beat the egg together with the wine. In another mixing bowl, sift together the flour, cinnamon, sugar and salt. Add the flour mixture to the egg mixture. Stir until blended through. Let stand for 30 minutes.

In another small bowl, mix the honey and nutmeg. In a skillet, heat up about a 1/2 inch of oil. Drop a tablespoon of batter into the oil and fry until golden brown. Drain off the oil, and dip into the honey mixture.

What's unusual about this (and blog-worthy, at least for me), is that I amn't really what I would call a 'cook'. I can cook, sure, but that hasn't been something my family has seen a lot of in...well, forever. Put that side-by-side with my fibro, energy and domestics have fallen off quite a bit in the last year.  I have, however, been extremely motivated since embracing this path, and I feel good about it. My family, although still in the dark (mostly) about this journey, sees the changes as a welcome development.

Hopefully, the meal will turn out good. Pictures I hope will follow, come Tuesday (or the weekend).

A Burning Flame

Another week has come and gone. The pain is tolerable, although the lack of sleep is definitely a source of frustration for me. I'm incessantly tired, and napping for hours several times a day.

The family has been good and understanding.

Yesterday, I decided that some very simple candle magick was needed, if only for peace of mind. Instead of store or specialty bought candles, however, I decided I would make my own. Many, many years ago, candle making was a much loved hobby of mine, but I hadn't done it in years. Besides that, I hadn't performed any candle magick in just as long.

Needless to say, I was a bit worried...about many things; would I burn the house down, would I burn myself, would I completely and totally destroy the new kitchen furniture?

I stuck with the basics: no tapers would be made; I had always been absolutely abysmal in their creation. No, instead I would stick with making votives. Prior to starting, I actually consecrated the tools I was using: pots, pans, double boilers; from the very outset of melting, to the creation, I thought of my intent and focused on it for a good 30 minutes. Thankfully, I had the house to myself today, so silence was plentiful.

While the pain didn't go away, I was able to actually enjoy myself, for the first time in a long time. I was able to ignore that pain, I was able to keep myself out of bed. I was focused. My husband came home, and was happy to see me up

The Candlemaker's Companion: A Complete Guide to Rolling, Pouring, Dipping, and Decorating Your Own

and about, a rare thing as of late.

It was a powerful day for me.

A good starting reference for basic Candlemaking is "The Candlemaker's Companion" by Betty Oppenheimer. This is NOT a book on candle magic; it is a book on the creation and art on candles. To me, candle magic is something I consider to be from inception, to molding and burning. This book is a good practical guide to help with that creation.

The rest is up to you.

Blessed Be. 

An Interesting Week

Pardon me, dear blog...I've neglected you in the weeks since the end of the holidays.

Work has been hectic, to say the least, so my free time has been limited. This has slowed down greatly my reading and self-education.

Aside from work, I've been relatively blindsided by my doctor. Two years ago, I started having bouts of insomnia. Not unusual for most, however over the years it has gotten increasingly worse (multiple times per week). Last year, I started getting migraines...truly brutal migraines, the worst of which would linger for days. Several months ago, I then started feeling pain...lots of pain; the type of pain one might feel if they've been spun around over and over again in a washing machine, or worse a tumbling car in an accident.

I attributed most of this to the aches and pains of 'getting old', even though the pain itself was not arthritis. The pain was like the worst persistent flu I could imagine, except it hurt to the touch.

2 weeks ago, everything collided; instead getting one symptom here, and another there, I was bombarded for days with all of them. Work has suffered, my family has suffered, and it was nearly impossible to get out of bed without crying. I sucked it up, realising this was not just 'age' getting to me, but something else.

My doctor took one look at me crying in her chair, blabbering how about how she must think it was all in my head, since I had no fever, and it obviously wasn't the flu. She laughed and shook her head, then said one word:

Fibromyalgia.

I've heard the commercials, but never knew what it was (or what it isn't), but here I am, being told that more than likely, this is what's been assaulting me for the last few years, and has now come to the forefront of my daily life. Whilst she still wants to run several blood tests to make sure it's nothing else, to her all signs lead to this.

The worst thing about this syndrome is that nobody knows what causes it, or what it really is. Treatments vary, but the symptoms seem to be the same for everyone: deep muscle pain, migraines, GERD and/or IBS, insomnia, amongst others. Depression is commonplace with this syndrome; the constant pain and problems lead to depression, which in turn feeds into depression...a vicious little circle.

So, what to do from my couch of pain? I suppose take the time and learn what I can. It looks like my growth and education process will include quite a lot more than I had initially intended.

Proof is in the Pudding

So, here I am, reading When, Why If (mentioned in my previous post).

It is an inspiring book, which I think goes well beyond inspiring ethics for Wiccan practitioners. Each chapter requires that you take a truly honest look at yourself, and poses a series of questions/situations at the end of each chapter, to help you along your path.

I could have used this book long before ever looking to further my teachings.

When, Why ... If

In chapter 3, the author (Robin Wood) describes the concept of Self, and how we act and perceive ourselves in the multiverse. She defines the extremes of personality types, using the "Mego" and "Antimego" to show the level of how we tend to respond to others. The first, an extreme swing towards selfishness (for lack of a better term), and the second being the polar opposite, true selflessness to a flaw (putting all others before one's own needs).

I am very, painfully a Mego. Even with a family, I can put the needs of myself at times above others. I am very quick to anger, quick to judge, and quick to have something snarky to say when, for example, I am cut off on the road, or given an answer I don't necessarily like. I've always been aware of this, but just 'accepted' that it was part of my nature.

As part of my self-training, I've been trying very hard to actually follow the exercises laid out at the end of each chapter, and....well, Chapter 3 is by far a trying one! Exercise #9 in particular - my very, very persistent demon: sharing the road (without flipping the bird, having something smarmy to say, calling names, etc - I am a very, very bad girl with this). I have been making a point to actually do this; my husband wonders if I am well, and I can't help but laugh at myself knowing that I am verbally holding back when the inevitable person cuts me off only to drive 5mph, and all I do is smile.

I've read Chapter 3 a few times already. I can tell this will be one of the more trying chapters. I have made a commitment to myself to not  move on in chapters until I actually master this.

To Travel Alone - The Great Internal Debate

One of the things I have realised in the last few decades is that....well, local gatherings and meetups are hard to come by!

I am, by nature, a solo person, but I cannot help but desire the companionship and teachings of others in such a change of life as this. My family is out of the question; not in the sense that my husband would divorce me and my daughter would disown me, but they cannot help me with this change, this learning experience.

There are so many varieties and flavours of practice around, and whilst I am just wrapping my head around the concept as a whole, I cannot help but think the path itself would be easier would there be others to share this journey with. True, there are gatherings in San Francisco or Oakland, but truth be told, those are relatively far away for me (ok, I suppose 25 miles or so isn't "far", but to someone who hates commuting more than I have to, it might as well be in another country). There is also one other thing to consider: what happens if I commute to these places, and find....well, I just do NOT like what I see? If I am left out because I am the new middle aged crone on the block? A big fear of mine is to find out that I am surrounded by a bunch of 18-20 year olds who think that this is the cool thing to do. I am not cool! I am trying to finally finish this journey that I have been trying to take for 25 years!

My one saving grace is that Pantheacon is coming up in February; I bit the bullet, and bought the full pass for the event in San Jose. Now, granted, one might say "Hey there, Eudaemonia, San Jose is JUST as far from you as SF or Oakland". The difference is that I am familiar with this commute, at least, and don't have to really deal with the same sort of traffic issues found in either of those two cities:) I'm hoping that, once there, I can see enough to to quell some of my fears about plunging into the great unknown.

A New Year, a New Beginning

A new year and a new decade is here. Welcome, 2010!

I have dedicated this year to my journey of learning and understanding.  I cannot call myself a Witch or Wiccan at this point; I know too little. I am still in the education phase of this transformation.

I've increased my library, and have chosen to start my education with "When, Why, If" by Robin Wood. I must say that I couldn't have chosen a better book; it has convinced me that I am doing the right thing, and has also shown me I have a long journey ahead of me.

When, Why ... If

I still have not discussed this with my family, although I think that my husband has an inkling (he found my copy of this book and gave me a bit of a hairy eyeball). Still, he did not make fun of it (or me, for that matter - then again, that isn't in his nature).

What I wish for in this new year: the ability to work on my vices (I party too much, I smoke); to understand myself more, and appreciate those around me more. And, to be honest - with both myself, and everyone else.

Blessed Be.

The Road Often Sought, But Never Followed

When thinking about the path I am which finally undertaking, I realised that no other title would be sufficient to explain that journey, and how I got here.

As a 41 year old married mother of 1, a Catholic school graduate, and long professed Atheist, it seems odd in retrospect that I choose now to take this journey. However, it really has been the culmination of a journey which I have been attempting for years.

In spite of (or as a result of) my Catholic upbringing, I have always felt rather drawn to Wicca. Even when 'conventional' religion left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I proclaimed my Atheist ways, I still was drawn to learning what I could about Wicca. Wanting to embrace it, but either too scared, or too  unwilling to really change my ways, that never became a reality.

So what now? What has made me finally do this? My family wouldn't understand it; my husband would probably ridicule it, as would my daughter (in spite of this, please, dear reader, don't get them wrong...they are a wonderful family and I am blessed to have them in my life); my technology profession appears to completely and totally counteract any such involvement. The answer is simple (or complex): I don't know.

That is what this blog is for; it is to see how my journey is defined, how it all comes to pass. I want to follow through, and I want to fully embrace this.